Kim Seokjin: Self Sacrifice to Self Love

"I'm just trying to endure it because this is all I can do." - Awake, Wings

Jin in Young Forever MV

SEOKJIN: BURDEN

Seokjin's arc has been mainly characterized by his own burden, mainly the burden of his guilt. He thinks he may have somehow caused his friends' demise, whether from Yoongi's expulsion from school or possibly Jungkook's death and even his inability to prevent any of the bad things from happening to his friends.

Notably, even without Jin's "mistake", a lot of his friends' troubles remains irreversible:  Taehyung's abusive father, Namjoon's poverty. Hoseok's abandonment, Jimin's trauma, Yoongi's grief and Jungkook's isolation from his family. And yet, he feels as if these are things that he should be able to fix.

Seokjin is the only character who does not appear to have any pairing. He is mostly seen alone or in the sidelines watching and recording the boys throughout the storyline.

His other burden is his knowledge. He is apparently the only one aware of their future misfortunes. And try as he might to reverse the chaos, he always fails. He is burdened by his knowledge of what is to come and his eventual failure. On the latest published notes*, he becomes aware of his father's past and their shared abilities.

His last burden is his responsibility. He is aware of the mistakes he made and his responsibility to rectify the past and restore order. Because of this, he feels that there is something that he could have done for his friends. He might have even found himself correcting mistakes that he didn't cause.

THE FUTILITY OF JIN'S MISSION:

Jin's journey starts from when he started school after transferring from America. He becomes friends with Namjoon, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook, apparently because they were all late for class. From the start, it has been indicated that Jin may be getting a special treatment from the principal due to his father's connections.

The first mistake. His first mistake is in informing a teacher about their secret hangout thinking that none of the boys would get in trouble. This proves a turning point however, when the teacher discovers both Jungkook and Yoongi in the room which led to a fight and eventually Yoongi's expulsion from school.

It would seem that none of the other boys knows about this except for Namjoon, with whom he might have confided to and Taehyung who accidentally heard them talking. From there is a series of Jin trying to rectify the past.

In the Euphoria MV, it is Jin instead of Taehyung who jumps into the water. The boys seem blissfully unaware except for Taehyung.

Jin's determination is best compared to Sisyphus, a sinner condemned in Tartarus for eternity, rolling up a stone uphill and watching it roll back down. A symbol of futility. This is also characterized in Jin's first solo song in the Wings Album, Awake. (see lyric translations from doolsetbangtan)

In Awake, he describes being aware of his own limitations but still trying anyway. He is aware of his possible and eventual failure but chooses to try regardless. He is resigned to his fate. But while we can say that a large portion of his intentions may be from the burden of guilt, the song indicates that it is more an act of love.

I want to stay, I want to dream more. But even so, it is time to leave. - Awake

My interpretation of the lyrics is that Jin has the choice to stay and live a happier life. Free himself from the burden, but he still chose to leave that life and try to save his friends. He is wide awake to the possibility of failure, that he might not come off of it for the better. But because of his love for his friends, he would rather risk failing than staying in false happiness.

This, in my opinion, makes his character more endearing. His awareness and readiness for failure. Some would say that it is nothing but a fool's errand and he is well aware, but he still chooses to try.

In the Awake MV, Jin is seen in an opulent looking house, but is alone. He is also surrounded by objects that remind him of his friends. In the end, he chose to leave the room.

EPIPHANY: DISCOVERY OF SELF LOVE

I’m the one I should love in this world

Jin's self sacrifice however will go to a stand still. When all efforts have been exhausted, he gets to a point where he is stuck in a place with no hopes of success. In the MV for Epiphany, it showcases the multiple times Jin has tried. What's more is that Jin almost seems like he expects it.

Perhaps I’m a bit dull and imperfect,  Perhaps people might not see my shy sparkle But I’m me just as I am My arms, legs, heart, and soul that I have lived with until now . - Epiphany

Jin begins to realize that he has lived his life for others. To the point, where he has forgotten about himself. While his self sacrifice is to be lauded, he has become an empty shell of a man, living moment to moment in an endless cycle of failures.

Or where they? As seen on the video, Jin has tried doing something different each time. He is learning from his mistakes and factoring in these things as he goes. It wasn't a fool's errand, it was a long agonizing journey towards him finding the truth. In the end we are left with a quote.

At the end of my journey to find myself, I’ve reached the same place again. In the end, what I need to find is the map of the soul, the start & sign for everything. Something that everyone may have but not anyone can find, I’m going to try to look for that from now on.

Personally, I think the song is a very healthy song for the soul. It is almost rare that we hear proclamations of self love and appreciation. We are somehow conditioned to tie our worth in how loved we are by other people that we usually forget to love ourselves.

THE WAY FORWARD

At this point, Jin might have already realized that he has been stuck trying to play savior to his friends. So much so, that he seems distant from the rest of the group. He has taken on the role of spectator and haven't really been interacting with them. There is a difference between him knowing what they were going through and trying to solve their problems for them against him just being there for them when they need a friend.

I believe this is the next part in Jin's journey. Which is why he says he needs to go back to the beginning. He has been so engrossed in his mission, that he has almost completely removed himself from their lives. What Jin might realize in the end is that he has been enough all along.

Awake: Short Film | Spotify | Lyrics Translation | Apple Music

Epiphany: Music Video | Spotify | Lyrics Translation | Apple Music

Credits: All lyric translations are from doolsetbangtan

*Notes - From Love Yourself: Answer, the notes are included in the albums and gives readers a telling of events from the characters' point of view.